Let me say first that I am not condemning anyone who is divorced, and I know that divorce will continue to happen. These are just my observations on the issue of divorce and it's consequences. While I can't say what the divorce rate is and whether it is on the rise or decline (divorce statistics are harder to find than a positive review of a Ben Affleck movie), it is safe to say that divorce remains a major problem in this country. My observation on this issue is not about the ethics or morality of divorce, but it's effects on the children, and by association, it's effects on all of us (as it effects society).

The following is a commentary by Alexis de Tocqueville about American public life (in comparison to European public life, circa 1835). His comments are very interesting.

 "Agitated by the tumultuous passions which frequently disturb his dwelling, the European is galled by the obedience which the legislative powers of the State exact. But when the American retires from the turmoil of public life to the bosom of his family, he finds in it the image of order and of peace. There his pleasures are simple and natural, his joys are innocent and calm; and as he finds that an orderly life is the surest path to happiness, he accustoms himself without difficulty to moderate his opinions as well as his tastes. Whilst the European endeavors to forget his domestic troubles by agitating society, the American derives from his own home that love of order which he afterwards carries with him into public affairs."

We have even worked with youth, whose parents were together, but in and out of separation/talking of divorce. These youth would do well when mom and dad were working it out and together, but when mom and dad would separate or things would get heated, the youth would struggle. Then, when mom and dad would start to work things out again, the youth would exhibit positive behaviors. The effects of the tranquility of the home on the children cannot be overstated. Of course all couples have good days and bad days, and no marriage is going to be like a fairy tale, but a home where mom and dad are present and committed to staying together is always better than a broken home. Kids get their sense of self from their family. If their family is fractured, they feel it. Kids need that sense of wholeness in their home as a base for them to discover who they are. Lawyers and Psychologists will tell parents, “the kids will be okay, kids are resilient, they're better off in a broken home than one where the parents fight all the time”. I have heard people who got divorced say they regret listening to that kind of advice. Kids are always (99% of the time) better off with mom and dad together.

Marriage is not an easy thing. If it were, the vows would say "for better, richer, and in health, I will stay with you". But that's not the way the vows read, is it? "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health....til death do us part".

“And happily ever after fails,

and we've been poisoned by these fairy tales,

the lawyers dwell on small details,

since daddy had to fly”

I think what he is saying is that people listen to songs or watch romantic movies (fairy tales) and get this impression that when they fall in love and get married, they will live in this fairy tale of bliss and harmony. Then, when they find out that real life is not like that, they give up, assuming that they just married the wrong person. People need to go into marriage with the right perspective and expectations. People need to realize going into marriage that it takes work, commitment, and a willingness to forgive one another. I think if public schools spent time educating kids about marriage and responsibility (instead of how to have sex), our society would be much better off (but don't get me started on that soap box). (This could be done without teaching from a religious perspective)